A world-renowned scholar explains key points of Islam by HMD

Islam is one of the world's largest – and fastest-growing – religions. Yet its most basic tenets remain mysterious to many nonMuslims. To shed light on a religion that has become the source of intense discussion following the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, csmonitor.com interviewed Professor Charles A. Kimball, chair of the Department of Religion at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, NC. He is the author of three books, including "Striving Together: A Way Forward in Christian-Muslim Relations and Religion," "Politics and Oil: The Volatile Mix in the Middle East," and "Angle of Vision: Christians and the Middle East."
1. What is the Islamic concept of "jihad," and how has it been variously interpreted?
Jihad means "striving or struggling in the way of God." It is a central concept in Islam. Muslims should strive to know and do the will of God. Historically, the "greater" jihad refers to the struggle each person has within him or herself to do what is right. Because of human pride, selfishness and sinfulness, people of faith must constantly wrestle with themselves and strive to do what is right and good. The "lesser" jihad involves the outward defense of Islam. Muslims should be prepared to defend Islam, including military defense, when the community of faith is under attack. While the vast majority of Muslims clearly reject the violent extremism manifest on Sept. 11, some religiously inspired and politically motivated individuals and groups attempt to justify their behavior in the context of a holy war or struggle in defense of Islam.
2. What sect of Islam does the Taliban adhere to, and do its tenets differ from more mainline denominations of Sunni Islam?
The Taliban advocate a strict and extreme version of Sunni Islam. Policies about education, restrictions on women, and the destruction of the large Buddha figures have received a good deal of attention in the past few years. Prior to September 11, only three nations had diplomatic relations with the Taliban: Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and Pakistan. Today, only Pakistan recognizes the Taliban officially. Clearly, most predominantly Muslim countries view the Taliban with suspicion. Like all religious traditions, Islamic history includes various schools of thought and legal structures. It is very difficult to quantify particular groups and movements or sharply define adherents within particular traditions among Muslims worldwide. To the extent the leaders of the Taliban embrace the teaching and worldview of the network connected with Osama bin Laden, they should be viewed as very much on the fringe of what the large majority of the world's 1.2 billion Muslims (2nd largest, growing rapidly) understand to be central tenets of their faith.
3. Can you give us an explanation of the differences between the tenets of "fundamentalist" Islam and "extremist" (or violent) Islam?
Religious studies scholars approach the term "fundamentalist" in different ways. Some argue the term is so rooted in a particular form of Protestant Christianity that it cannot easily be used in relation to Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. Martin Marty, a renowned scholar who co-edited a five-volume study on fundamentalism, argues that fundamentalisms are certainly very different. However, there are also striking similarities. Fundamentalists in various traditions teach that there was a perfect moment and they endeavor to recover that moment. This often involves reacting to that which is seen as a threat to realizing the ideal-even if the ideal never actually existed. In the case of selected Islamist groups (e.g. Hizbollah, Hamas, and Islamic Jihad), the realization of their vision of an Islamic state is being thwarted by corrupt leaders in predominantly Muslim countries. The pervasive dominance of external powers, most notably the US, is also seen as both polluting Islamic culture and as a mechanism for exploitation. In recent decades, some groups have sought to work within particular political systems; some have resorted to violent extremism. To understand particular groups, it is important to do careful contextual analysis.
4. What is the Qur'an's stance on suicide? Are suicide bombers who cite a heavenly afterlife as a reward for their deeds following a misinterpretation of the scripture?
There is only one verse in the Qur'an that contains a phrase related to suicide: "O you who believe! Do not consume your wealth in the wrong way-rather through trade mutually agreed to, and do not kill yourselves. Surely God is Merciful toward you." (4:29) Some commentators believe that this phrase is better translated "do not kill each other." The prophetic tradition, however, clearly prohibits suicide. The hadith materials, which are the authoritative sayings and actions of the prophet, Muhammad, includes many unambiguous statements about suicide: one who "throws himself off a mountain" or "drinks poison" or "kills himself with a sharp instrument" will be in the fire of Hell. Suicide is not allowed even to those in extreme conditions such as painful illness or a serious wound. Ultimately, it is God, not humans, who has authority over the span of every person's life. There are some Muslims, most notably during the last several decades, who have engaged in suicidal military missions such as the truck bombing of the US Marine barracks in Beirut in 1983 and the September 11 attacks in New York and Washington. The extremists cite passages in the Qur'an that promise paradise to those who die "struggling in the way of God." (2:154) They see what they are doing as active armed struggle in defense of Islam. Their death is thus viewed as martyrdom not as suicide. The overwhelming majority of Muslims view this as a misinterpretation of the Qur'an and Islamic tradition. Many also point out that the taking of innocent life – even in war – is strictly forbidden in Islam. This, too, makes the actions of Sept. 11 incompatible with Islamic teachings.
5. What are the various clerical positions within Islam, and is there one who has ultimate authority over the others? Is there a clergy member with influence over Osama bin Laden?
There is no central, authoritative religious structure for Muslims. There are a variety of recognized religious leaders and legal authorities in particular settings. A mufti, for instance, is a recognized Muslim jurist who is able to give an opinion (known as a fatwa) on a point of Islamic law. There is a mufti of Jerusalem, a Grand Mufti of Syria and so on. Throughout Islamic history, the collective wisdom of the scholars (ulama') has been a primary source of authority for religious matters. A reflection of the diffuse patterns of leadership and decision-making among Sunni Muslims was seen in the days after the attacks on New York and Washington. Muslim leaders from various parts of Afghanistan were assembled ostensibly to render a decision on the request to turn over Osama bin Laden. At a personal level, there is no religious authority with definitive influence over Osama bin Laden. There is nothing parallel to the papacy in the Catholic tradition. There is no parallel to excommunication even if one grievously departs from widely held, orthodox views. There are all kinds of laws and punishments pertaining to one's behavior in a given setting. There is a moreclearly defined hierarchical structure within the Shi'ite tradition. The highest authority among Shi'ites is an Ayatollah. This is an honorific title bestowed by popular usage on recognized religious scholars within Shi'ite Islam.
6. What should non-Muslims know about key similarities and differences between Islamic and Judeo-Christian traditions?
It is, of course, difficult to summarize the main teachings of the religious traditions embraced by nearly one-half the world's population. Muslims understand Islam to be the same religion that God revealed to Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad. They believe that those who came after various prophets confused or distorted portions of the revelation God had given. Central teachings in the Bible are also central in the Qur'an. There is only one God (Allah in Arabic). Humans are created and imbued with freedom and responsibility. There are similar passages about moral and ethical imperatives, the existence of angels and demons, the immortality of the soul, the coming day of judgment, the abodes of heaven and hell, etc. The Qur'an addresses Jews and Christians as "People of the Book" who may also share a heavenly home: "those who have faith, those who are Jews and Christians...shall have their reward." (2:62 and 5:69) At the same time, the Qur'an clearly rejects the divinity of Jesus and warns of the dangers of a trinitarian theology. Christians are in danger of the most heinous sin, shirk, which is "associating something human with God." The best answer to this question is for non-Muslims to engage in a thoughtful study of Islam. Study programs, books, and personal engagement with Muslim neighbors are helpful ways to explore the similarities and differences among the descendants of Abraham.

Quotations about Mothers BY HMD

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries The phrase "working mother" is redundant. ~Jane Sellman The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. ~Lord Langdale (Henry Bickersteth) I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. ~Author Unknown Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. ~Golda Meir The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honoré de Balzac All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895 He is a poor son whose sonship does not make him desire to serve all men's mothers. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee Calls back the lovely April of her prime. ~William Shakespeare An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy. ~Spanish Proverb She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along. ~Margaret Culkin Banning When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. ~Sophia Loren,Women and Beauty If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~Milton Berle Motherhood is priced Of God, at price no man may dare To lessen or misunderstand. ~Helen Hunt Jackson Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle Women are aristocrats, and it is always the mother who makes us feel that we belong to the better sort. ~John Lancaster Spalding Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials. ~Meryl Streep The sweetest sounds to mortals given Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven. ~William Goldsmith Brown What are Raphael's Madonnas but the shadow of a mother's love, fixed in permanent outline forever? ~Thomas Wentworth Higginson My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests. ~Author Unknown Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. ~Marion C. Garretty, quoted in A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Adabella Radici [A] mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. ~Emily Dickinson A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease. ~Lisa Alther Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. ~Beverly Jones That best academy, a mother's knee. ~James Russell Lowell A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. ~Victor Hugo Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing. ~Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987 The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn, Hundreds of bees in the purple clover, Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn, But only one mother the wide world over. ~George Cooper A mother's happiness is like a beacon, lighting up the future but reflected also on the past in the guise of fond memories. ~Honoré de Balzac A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all. ~Washington Irving A mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don't even have. ~Robert Brault, My mother is a poem I'll never be able to write, though everything I write is a poem to my mother. ~Sharon Doubiago With what price we pay for the glory of motherhood. ~Isadora Duncan One good mother is worth a hundred schoolmasters. ~George Herbert There's nothing like a mama-hug. ~Adabella Radici Who fed me from her gentle breast And hushed me in her arms to rest, And on my cheek sweet kisses prest? My Mother. ~Anne Taylor Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm Who ran to help me when I fell, And would some pretty story tell, Or kiss the place to make it well? My mother. ~Ann Taylor Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. ~T. DeWitt Talmage The precursor of the mirror is the mother's face. ~D.W. Winnicott, Playing and Reality, 1971 Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. And mothers are their daughters' role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships. ~Victoria Secunda Mother's love grows by giving. ~Charles Lamb I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still The deepest impressed on my heart. ~Eliza Cook The tie which links mother and child is of such pure and immaculate strength as to be never violated. ~Washington Irving I cannot forget my mother. [S]he is my bridge. When I needed to get across, she steadied herself long enough for me to run across safely. ~Renita Weems A little girl, asked where her home was, replied, "where mother is." ~Keith L. Brooks Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, comrades and friends - but only one mother in the whole world. ~Kate Douglas Wiggin If I was damned of body and soul, I know whose prayers would make me whole, Mother o' mine, O mother o'mine. ~Rudyard Kipling Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not. ~James Joyce My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. ~Mark Twain It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~From the television show The Golden Girls The mother's heart is the child's school-room. ~Henry Ward Beecher Women know The way to rear up children (to be just) They know a simple, merry, tender knack Of tying sashes, fitting baby shoes, And stringing pretty words that make no sense, And kissing full sense into empty words. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning The desolation and terror of, for the first time, realizing that the mother can lose you, or you her, and your own abysmal loneliness and helplessness without her. ~Francis Thompson My mom is literally a part of me. You can't say that about many people except relatives, and organ donors. ~Carrie Latet Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of its mother. ~Moorish Proverb All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother. ~Abraham Lincoln No painter's brush, nor poet's pen In justice to her fame Has ever reached half high enough To write a mother's name. ~Author Unknown Women who miscalculate are called mothers. ~Abigail Van Buren A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done. ~Author Unknown One of the very few reasons I had any respect for my mother when I was thirteen was because she would reach into the sink with her bare hands - bare hands - and pick up that lethal gunk and drop it into the garbage. To top that, I saw her reach into the wet garbage bag and fish around in there looking for a lost teaspoon. Bare hands - a kind of mad courage. ~Robert Fulghum One lamp - thy mother's love - amid the stars Shall lift its pure flame changeless, and before The throne of God, burn through eternity - Holy - as it was lit and lent thee here. ~Nathaniel Parker Willis No one in the world can take the place of your mother. Right or wrong, from her viewpoint you are always right. She may scold you for little things, but never for the big ones. ~Harry Truman God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb Life is the fruit she longs to hand you, Ripe on a plate. And while you live, Relentlessly she understands you. ~Phyllis McGinley All mothers are working mothers. ~Author Unknown Because I feel that in the heavens above The angels, whispering one to another, Can find among their burning tears of love, None so devotional as that of "Mother," Therefore, by that dear name I have long called you, You who are more than mother unto me. ~Edgar Allan Poe The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. ~Oprah Winfrey A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb

How to become an Ideal Friend BY HMD

 Its not easy becoming a friend or making one because a friend is not a state of mind. Its real and its in your face. A friend is someone who makes your life worth its while a little more than yesterday. While everybody has their own definitions of a "friend", the long and short of it is we all need friends to make our lives better. We at TheHolidaySpot value our friendship as much as you do and would like to share our ideas of how to become an ideal friend with you, for if wasn't for you we wouldn't be where we are today. HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY... In friendship "honesty" is the key word. One should always be honest to his or her friends. Don't overlook their faults, even if you have none for you are his friend! Praise them honestly and openly. Say you're sorry, when you hurt your friend. Don't let them assume it. GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE... Be there when they need you or you may wind up alone. Love them unconditionally, that is the only condition. Make them feel special, because aren't we all special? Never forget them, who wants to feel forgotten. BE SUPPORTIVE... Cheer them on, we all need encouragement now and then. Encourage their dreams and aspiration, Life seems almost meaningless without them. Your words count, use them wisely. Use good judgement. Wish them luck, hopefully good Eamine your motives before you "help" out Just be there when they need you Really listen, a friendly ear is a soothing balm FORGIVENESS... Forgive them for, "To Err is Human", and you just may end up making the same mistakes in course of time.. KEEP THE FAITH... Have faith in them. For, there is no love without trust. Zip your lips when they confide in you EXPRESS YOURSELF CLEARLY Know when they need a hug, and couldn't you use one? Offer to help, and know when " No thanks" is just politeness Quietly disagree, noisy No's make enemies Verbalsise your feelings HAVE FUN... Get together often, misery loves company, so does glee. Talk frequently, communication is important. Enjoying your friendship is the order of the day. So its not what we call a friendship if you don't feel right. Always remember a friendship is worth it when you are able to enjoy the amazing relationship with no holds barred. Its a mutual bond for life that you cant give up.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP BY HMD

 For those who have experienced the joy of true friendship, and for those who are searching for a true friend... A true friend is there through the good and bad, beautiful and ugly, hot and cold, rain or shine A true friend can't wait to see you, embrace you, hug you, love you, laugh with you, talk with you A true friend is your backseat driver, protector, adviser, right-hand-man, partner, consultant, one-of-a-kind A true friend will not tolerate excuses, condone compromise, or lie for you A true friend is your bosom-buddy, pal, confidant, sidekick, colleague, comrade-in-arms, companion A true friend is fifty-fifty, will tell you anything, keep a secret, correct you when you are wrong, and advise you to do that which is right A true friend is bold, courageous, fearless, and will be at your side in a moment's notice, under any circumstances A true friend will not patronize you, forsake you, lie to you, or betray you A true friend will stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you through life's toughest times, and will not back down in the face of adversity A true friend is not dictated to or ruled-over by others, but listens to you, cares only for you, and puts you first in his life--above and beyond everything and everyone on Earth A true friend will share his life experiences with you, and tell you the truth in love, even if it hurts and makes you mad A true friend will stand up for you in the midst of your persecution, and guard you in a storm of rocks and arrows A true friend will keep a secret, correct you, encourage you, and love you, even when you are wrong A true friend will warn you of danger, warn you when you are being deceived, tell you "Don't do it!" and always be there for you...no matter what A true friend will hold your hand tightly, support you, stop you from falling, crawl with you, and carry you if you can't walk A true friend will feel your pain and sorrow, suffer with you, cry with you, and gently dry the tears from your face A true friend will trust you with his life, take you at your word, and tell you to get tough and stop your whining A true friend will stand face-to-face with your enemies, defend you, protect you, fight for you, make sacrifices for you, and even die for you A true friend will look ahead for you, be there with you, lead you, guide you, walk side-by-side with you, guard you, follow behind you, and watch your back to keep you safe A true friend will give you his last morsel of food, last drop of water, last breath of air A true friend's shoulder is stained with your tears...

MARRIAGE AND LOVE BY HMD

THE popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous, that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs. Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on superstition.

Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can completely outgrow a convention. There are to-day large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.

On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage. On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage must prove degrading to both the woman and the man.

Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue payments. If, how ever, woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider, marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more in an economic sense.

Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: "Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."

That marriage is a failure none but the very stupid will deny. One has but to glance over the statistics of divorce to realize how bitter a failure marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped Philistine argument that the laxity of divorce laws and the growing looseness of woman account for the fact that: first, every twelfth marriage ends in divorce; second, that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73 for every hundred thousand population; third, that adultery, since 1867, as ground for divorce, has increased 270.8 per cent.; fourth, that desertion increased 369.8 per cent.

Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of material, dramatic and literary, further elucidating this subject. Robert Herrick, in Together; Pinero, inMid-Channel; Eugene Walter, in Paid in Full, and scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness, the monotony, the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage as a factor for harmony and understanding.

The thoughtful social student will not content himself with the popular superficial excuse for this phenomenon. He will have to dig down deeper into the very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves so disastrous.

Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each other, without which every union is doomed to failure.

Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to realize this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not---as the stupid critic would have it---because she is tired of her responsibilities or feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has come to know that for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children. Can there be any thing more humiliating, more degrading than a life long proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman---what is there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow.

Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul---what is there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man's superiority that has kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing aware of herself as a being outside of the master's grace, the sacred institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of sentimental lamentation can stay it.

From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his trade. It is indecent and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything of the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of respectability, that needs the marriage vow to turn something which is filthy into the purest and most sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize. Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder of marriage. The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her only asset in the competitive field---sex. Thus she enters into life-long relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled, outraged beyond measure by the most natural and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe to say that a large percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal ignorance in sex matters that is being extolled as a great virtue. Nor is it at all an exaggeration when I say that more than one home has been broken up because of this deplorable fact.

If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn the mystery of sex without the sanction of State or Church, she will stand condemned as utterly unfit to become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness consisting of an empty head and plenty of money. Can there be anything more outrageous than the idea that a healthy, grown woman, full of life and passion, must deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense craving, undermine her health and break her spirit, must stunt her vision, abstain from the depth and glory of sex experience until a "good" man comes along to take her unto himself as a wife? That is precisely what marriage means. How can such an arrangement end except in failure? This is one, though not the least important, factor of marriage, which differentiates it from love.

Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo and Juliet risked the wrath of their fathers for love when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip of her neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions young people allow themselves the luxury of romance they are taken in care by the elders, drilled and pounded until they become "sensible."

The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether the man has aroused her love, but rather is it, "How much?" The important and only God of practical American life: Can the man make a living? Can he support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies marriage. Gradually this saturates every thought of the girl; her dreams are not of moonlight and kisses, of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping tours and bargain counters. This soul-poverty and sordidness are the elements inherent in the marriage institution. The State and the Church approve of no other ideal, simply because it is the one that necessitates the State and Church control of men and women.

Doubtless there are people who continue to consider love above dollars and cents. Particularly is this true of that class whom economic necessity has forced to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is indeed phenomenal when we reflect that it is but a short time since she has entered the industrial arena. Six million women wage-earners; six million women, who have the equal right with men to be exploited, to be robbed, to go on strike; aye, to starve even. Anything more, my lord? Yes, six million age-workers in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to the most difficult menial labor in the mines and on the railroad tracks; yes, even detectives and policemen. Surely the emancipation is complete.

Yet with all that, but a very small number of the vast army of women wage-workers look upon work as a permanent issue, in the same light as does man. No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught to be independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that no one is really independent in our economic tread mill; still, the poorest specimen of a man hates to be a parasite; to be known as such, at any rate.

The woman considers her position as worker transitory, to be thrown aside for the first bidder. That is why it is infinitely harder to organize women than men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get married, to have a home." Has she not been taught from infancy to look upon that as her ultimate calling? She learns soon enough that the home, though not so large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors and bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can escape him. The most tragic part, however, is that the home no longer frees her from wage slavery; it only increases her task.

According to the latest statistics submitted before a Committee "on labor and wages, and congestion of Population," ten per cent. of the wage workers in New York City alone are married, yet they must continue to work at the most poorly paid labor in the world. Add to this horrible aspect the drudgery of house work, and what remains of the protection and glory of the home? As a matter of fact, even the middle class girl in marriage can not speak of her home, since it is the man who creates her sphere. It is not important whether the husband is a brute or a darling. What I wish to prove is that marriage guarantees woman a home only by the grace of her husband. There she moves about in his home, year after year until her aspect of life and human affairs becomes as flat, narrow, and drab as her surroundings. Small wonder if she becomes a nag, petty, quarrelsome, gossipy, unbearable, thus driving the man from the house. She could not go, if she wanted to; there is no place to go. Besides, a short period of married life, of complete surrender of all faculties, absolutely incapacitates the average woman for the outside world. She becomes reckless in appearance, clumsy in her movements, dependent in her decisions, cowardly in her judgment, a weight and a bore, which most men grow to hate and despise. Wonderfully inspiring atmosphere for the bearing of life, is it not?

But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for marriage? After all, is not that the most important consideration? The sham, the hypocrisy of it! Marriage protecting the child, yet thousands of children destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child, yet orphan asylums and reformatories over crowded, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping busy in rescuing the little victims from "loving" parents, to place them under more loving care, the Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it!

Marriage may have the power to "bring the horse to water," but has it ever made him drink? The law will place the father under arrest, and put him in convict's clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of the child? If the parent has no work, or if he hides his identity, what does marriage do then? It invokes the law to bring the man to "justice," to put him safely behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to the child, but to the State. The child receives but a blighted memory of its father's stripes.

As to the protection of the woman,---therein lies the curse of marriage. Not that it really protects her, but the very idea is so revolting, such an outrage and insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to forever condemn this parasitic institution.

It is like that other paternal arrangement ---capitalism. It robs man of his birthright, stunts his growth, poisons his body, keeps him in ignorance, in poverty and dependence, and then institutes charities that thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect.

The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute dependent. It incapacitates her for life's struggle, annihilates her social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human character.

If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's nature, what other protection does it need save love and freedom? Marriage but defiles, outrages, and corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman, Only when you follow me shall you bring forth life? Does it not condemn her to the block, does it not degrade and shame her if she refuses to buy her right to motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage only sanction motherhood, even though conceived in hatred, in compulsion? Yet, if motherhood be of free choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant passion, does it not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head and carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard? Were marriage to contain all the virtues claimed for it, its crimes against motherhood would exclude it forever from the realm of love.

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?

Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil, once love has taken root. If, however, the soil is sterile, how can marriage make it bear fruit? It is like the last desperate struggle of fleeting life against death.

Love needs no protection; it is its own protection. So long as love begets life no child is deserted, or hungry, or famished for the want of affection. I know this to be true. I know women who became mothers in freedom by the men they loved. Few children in wedlock enjoy the care, the protection, the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing.

The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race! shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine, --- and the marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex-awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble, decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and death. And if she does become a mother, it is to give to the child the deepest and best her being can yield. To grow with the child is her motto; she knows that in that manner alone call she help build true manhood and womanhood.

Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother, when, with a master stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving. She was the ideal mother because she had outgrown marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken her chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it returned a personality, regenerated and strong. Alas, it was too late to rescue her life's joy, her Oswald; but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the only condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like Mrs. Alving, have paid with blood and tears for their spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage as an imposition, a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether love last but one brief span of time or for eternity, it is the only creative, inspiring, elevating basis for a new race, a new world.

In our present pygmy state love is indeed a stranger to most people. Misunderstood and shunned, it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon withers and dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to adjust itself to the slimy woof of our social fabric. It weeps and moans and suffers with those who have need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's summit.

Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy, what imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even approximately the potentialities of such a force in the life of men and women. If the world is ever to give birth to true companionship and oneness, not marriage, but love will be the parent.

The Positive and Negative Side of Young Generation BY HMD

Few days ago we went for rappelling and mountaineering. There, for one hour during and after lunch we had a special meeting and discussion. There was a crowd of 220 people, relaxing and contributing. 40% of my friends were young and vivacious. Many were from highly learned family. Maximum among them were pursuing MBA or PG after their graduation and few were willing to go for Ph.D. in their areas of interests.

As always is the oldies and elders highlighted few positives and negatives in the young generation, immediately I stepped in and put obvious questions before both the sides-Oldies and Youngies-there was solid constructive discussion. I'm putting just 10 point each on positive and negative side, that I noted as an evergreen learner.

Positives in young generation, highlighted by oldies:

1. Striving hard to see Success, Success and Success, that too, in front of their eyes. 2. They like to live life king size. 3. They have lot of confidence. 4. They have abilities to create more opportunities. 5. They are open to talk and understand and learn lot of things. 6. They are adapting and adopting the globalization/ globalized culture. 7. They try to keep values and ethics intact. 8. They try not to hurt older and elders. 9. They believe in implementations of the best practices. 10. They are willing to relocate and start fresh.
As usual, at every point there was joy, happiness and lot of cheers in the crowd.

Negatives found out by Oldies and Arguments by Youngies.

Few oldies (more than 40 years old) argued when discussed above top positive points of young generation, beyond and next. You may call them critics for cause. They are not against young generation but against their attitude, some sting in their behavior, some thorny instincts and some amazing habits. Oldies are trying to help these coming generations. Main objections of oldies are put here immediately followed by the objections and arguments by the Youngies on that point.
1. They (young generation) frequently change their jobs; hence, they seem to be less committed and oldies doubt their integrity as well.
Youngies argued: Before finding a career of their choice and interest, we want to take 4 to 5 risks in terms of jobs. Once we get it we stick to that organisation for life time. E.g. Ashish did is CFA from top Management institute in India. He went to Australia to work as organisation Head, but came back. Later he joined AXA and now he is happy with his career. Before that he tried jobs in India and abroad and finally landed in this job, settled by now.
2. They are restless people and will not find peace and respect in their life.
Youngies argued: We are not restless; we are dynamic outside but cool inside. Unless we do lot of activities and get maximum exposure of the fast generating technologies, and business, and then adapt to global atmosphere and culture we can't be competitive. Without this even we can't survive. Ashustosh did his MBA Marketing, he worked in India, USA, and UK but after seven jobs he landed in German Remedies a Pharmaceutical organisation and settled by now. Knowing the dynamism and the downfall in the market, no one disrespects him for change in his past jobs; in fact no one has time as half the population has done that during global recession. It is matter of survival instinct of individual and organisations.
3. They do anything to succeed in life.
Youngies argued: No. We also have values and ethics, and don't like corruption. However, we are willing to take extra steps, work more than office hours, and know the matter inside out and take proper steps to success. E.g. Madhu did his Engineering but liked the job of ICWA. So he went on to pursue ICWA and now is Cost Accountant in top Manufacturing unit in Canada. He did not get job in India, hence, settled their. He left his job in Government organisation in India just due to red tapism and as he felt that unless he has international exposure he will waste his skills and opportunities in life before his marriage. He never corrupted, however, even in the government job and in the private jobs he ran extra mile unlike his predecessors. He says, it fallacious that you need to be corrupt to work in the government organisation.
4. They lack patience and persistence.
Youngies argued: No. We believe patience spoils the dynamism of life and may kill the business itself. It may spoil career and even can make life stagnant. Patience is required in growing but patience does not required for taking decision and getting work done. Also we do not want to commit mistake that our past generation did. For example, when email and s.m.s. through cell/mobile phones can deliver a message in seconds then why should we spend hours and years as our past generation did for the same message and decision? Faster the decision, and faster the implementation faster will be human progress and we like to see results because that is the language we understand. Also, patience will not generate jobs for our children. Patience is ok at individual level and for mental satisfaction but not the patience that destroyed the business by the past generation.
5. They are too anxious and want to know much more than they should.
Youngies argued: No. We won't do anything which does not fit in our ethics. If someone hides something we believe that hiding means something fishy is there. That is why Right to Information Act and Compulsory Disclosure are there. Transparency is the way of life and business today. Even 100 Billion Dollars Organizations have transparency in all their transactions, then why not the business I/we are in should be that transparent?
6. They do not respect older generation.
Youngies argued: No. We respect elders at home and older generation outside but through heart. We don't like showing respect with some age old ways. Styles and ways have changed, that's all. E.g. Oldies worked in some government organisation which cared for their employees; however, Youngies are more into private organisations and private organisation expect more from them and have fewer holidays and hence less leisure time is left to them. Hence, we cannot afford to spend more time. Whereas oldies spend lot of time with their previous generation.
7. They spend a lot on self and will not be able to run their family well.
Youngies argued: We require living an up to date lives at all the levels because of globalized culture now a day, right from physical level, spiritual level, to skills level and even to emotional level; hence we spend as much as required. However, we feel, as we invest at least 25% of what we earn for our future, we are also securing lives of people at home, i.e. we are investing for family as well. Also, we don't think we are separate from our family. Adding one more dimension could be, once we get our income we share with our family, hence, no way, anybody can argue that we cannot run a family. In fact, many of us believe that monthly contributions from our pocket and earning, has already put living standard of our family at higher level. Many of us have taken educational loan hence would like to repay by own hard earned money, which has become extremely costly now days and which many parents couldn't afford.
8. They are more extrovert and shameless outspoken while social networking.
Youngies argued: Social networking to benefit all does not mean extrovert always. We know what to share and why, and where. We also have family, individual and private lives.
9. They are more willing to earn fast money. Higher the degree more is the lust for money. More from the business background more the requirement for money.
Youngies Argued: Many said, learning and earning should be linked, otherwise next generation will not learn or at extreme may even avoid going to schools. If fresh Bachelors earn 60K then seniors must earn 90K, if fresh Masters earn 100K then seniors must earn 150K, if fresh PhD earn 75K then seniors must earn 200K, like that. In fact, we mean some link should be there based on time spend for upgrading qualifications, enhanced productivity, increased profit and better performance/s. We no more believe in 'slow and steady wins the race'. For example, right now we believe that unless faster generation of jobs is there, the next generation will face lot of unemployment related problems. Hence, we like to see results of our job, before our eyes and grow our organisation. Few of us even feel (politely) that we should be awarded for our contribution to the organisation and society, unlike the past generations who have kept their nation and organisation on slow pace of development.
10. They are more willing to go abroad, even immigrate to developed nations.

Youngies Argued: No. We are expanding our family base; we are more global citizen than just one country citizen. We don't believe in man made boundaries. Ok, for Cricket or basketball or football or for some sport, we'll support our country, but if someone uses us for fighting with other or against our own country fellows we are not ready. Instead business, arts, technologies should grow, so that all earn money and live a peaceful life. Also, in case, their-is a problem in one country for the time being, we'll shift our family to secure country. What is wrong in that? Everyone in the world wants security, whether he is King, President or a common man. Next step could be, in case, with developing and evolving space age technologies, if human beings develop their habitat on moon, then will you call the first batch that will go for settlement over moon as a cheater to their nation or this earth? Also, did UK and European countrymen called people those flew for opportunities to USA when it was discovered as the traitor? In short, we believe in equal, sustainable, green and equitable growth. In addition believe in faster expansion, faster employment generation, faster human progress, faster technology development, and safety, security, progress and welfare of all.

At this classical question and suggestion, I stopped interviewing next generation, they have higher dreams and strong will to achieve. Hats-off to young generation.

What Makes Me Unsuccessful?by HMD

If you really want to be successful then you should have a solid understanding of certain concepts that can limit your potential and make you unsuccessful. Successful people avoid these harmful concepts and so should you:
False Beliefs:

False beliefs are incorrect ideas you hold about something or about yourself. An example of a false belief could be “I can never find a job in such a country” . False beliefs act as limiters to your true potential and so to your success. Getting rid of false beliefs and knowing more about them is the most important task that you should do if you are serious about success. False beliefs can not only limit your success potential but they can even ruin your life, some people stay broken for years after a breakup just because they had some false beliefs about love that they acquired from the media,in my book How to get over anyone in few days i explained how can getting rid of false beliefs such as "the one" and "the soul mate" help you recover in few days. This happens because the mind refuses to recover as it thinks that once it lost that person who was the soul mate it will never be able to find a replacement for him. (Check out this article for more information on false beliefs, how they were acquired and how to get rid of them).  
External Locus of Control:

This is the way of thinking that makes a person assume that everything that happens to him is due to external factors. For example: saying an exam was too hard when you don't do well or claiming high unemployment is the reason you can't find a job. The flip side to that is Internal Locus of Control which is thinking that you are in charge and in control of everything that happens to you. None who are successful have an external locus of control, so if you are serious about success you should learn how to change your way of thinking from having an external locus of control to having an internal locus of control. (read how you can do it in this article). Lack of Persistence:

What good is it to have many qualities and skills if you lose hope after failing once or twice? The only people who succeed in life are the persistent, those who continue working right to the end until they get what they want, even if everything was against them and even if they fail many times. If you want to be successful then read the guide to persistence to learn how to stand up again even if you failed hundreds of times.
Lack of Flexibility:

Flexibility is the ability to adapt to external conditions, it's the ability to try something else or another method when your current method fails. The more flexible you are, the more you will become adaptable and the higher chances of success you'll have. Read this guide to learn how to be flexible and how to shape yourself and change your tools and methods when they don't work
Lack of Planning:

If you don’t have goals or plans then you are going to be a part of other people's plans. If you don’t plan to be the team leader at your work then someone else in your team will do and if you don't plan to get that high paying job someone else who planned and worked for it will take it from you. If you don’t plan you will get swept away by the people who do. They will fill the positions, make the money and get the fame while you'll just be a spectator, as such, planning is an essential item in the success toolkit. Read this guide to learn everything about planning and goal setting.
Lack
of Self-confidence:

If you don't have self-confidence then probably you will be too shy of presenting your ideas and you may give up your dreams as soon as someone tells you that they are not possible. You may fear taking any risks and so ignore many opportunities that could have made you successful. If you want to increase your chances of being a successful person, then you must build your self-confidence. You can build it from scratch using the ultimate guide for building self-confidence.  
Thinking that you lack resources: In my book How i did it i explained how i managed to make a website that generates thousands of dollars/month in less than 2 years with an initial investment that is less than 50 dollars!! Don't fool yourself by thinking that you lack resources because if you are serious about success, you will do it without having any resources. This website is one of the examples of successful business that required no resources at the start up.
Success related Fears: I am not talking about normal fears, but the types of fears that can affect your ability to succeed are fear of failure and fear of success. While they both seem to be complete opposites still they do have the same effect on you, which is preventing you from trying and so leading you to failure. If you want to deal with fear of success then check out this article while if you want to deal with fear of failure then check out this one

20 Qualities for a Successful Life by HMD

How do you define a successful life? Is it by how much money or stuff you have amassed, or is it by the legacy you leave behind? All too often we equate a successful life with material possessions. Yet, there are millions of people out there who lead successful, fulfilled lives who may be of modest means. They may not be rich in the financial sense, but they are rich in life and values.

So what are the things we should strive for to make our lives successful and have a positive impact on those around us? Here is a list of traits that I think defines what true success in life is all about. Does your list differ?

1. Sincerity.
2. Be sincere in your actions. Don’t try to deceive or impress others. Be yourself, and do what you feel is right based on yourvalues and beliefs. You will be surprised at how people accept you when you stop trying to be someone you aren’t.
3. Unfeigned.
4. Be genuine in what you do; your actions speak louder than your words. Don’t falsify or embellish events that may have happened. Don’t say one thing and do the other.
5. Wholehearted.
6. Be enthusiastic about what you do. Show it. Be committed to life and everything that you set out to accomplish in life. Devote yourself to your family, friends, and community and commit yourself to being the best father, husband, wife, mother, friend, and neighbor you can be.
7. Honest.
8. Be honest in your dealings with yourself and with others. When others interact with you, let them see someone who is reputable, respectable and genuine. Do what you say you will do and never use fraud or deception to get ahead in life. Let ethics, morals, and honor be your compass.
9. Heartfelt.
10. When you do something for someone, or they do something for you, let your thanks and emotion be openly and outwardly expressed towards them.
11. Hearty.
12. Be someone who displays an honest, warm, and exuberant personality to those around them. Let your feelings show and let them be genuine when they do.
13. Humility.
14. life thinking you are better than others or are superior to those around you. Modesty and humbleness will leave a far more ever lasting impact on people than trying to show off.
15. Personal integrity.
16. Always follow your heartfelt values, and never let a situation or anyone steer you away from doing what you know is right. Be someone that people can look up to and respect and not someone who trades his or her moral values for material gains in life.
17. Incorruptibility.
18. Let it be known that you stand firm for what you believe in and that your morals, values and actions are not for sale. Don’t let outside forces corrupt the person you are.
19. Sound.
20. Show good judgment and sense in life. Don’t let prejudices or emotions cloud your judgment.
21. Whole.
22. Be focused on what you want to achieve in life. Give everyone you interact with your complete and undivided attention.
23. Courtesy.
24. Practice good manners even though others around you may not.
25. Civility.
26. Graciousness and respect go a long way in life. What is more, they are viral – when people see you doing it they are more apt to practice civility themselves. Be kind to others and extend courtesy towards them. Don’t interruptpeople when they speak and don’t dominate the conversation.
27. Wisdom.
28. Gain from the wisdom that is inside you. Understand the inner qualities of people and learn how to understand situations that might be different than we are used to.
29. Charity.
30. Practice kind, gentle, and compassionate treatment of others – especially those who may be undeserving.
31. Learn to extend a hand to help others, even though they themselves may not have helped you.
32. Empathy.
33. Be aware that each person is different and may have different values and beliefs than those that you hold. Be understanding of the feelings and thoughts of others without having to be told or reminded of them.
34. Sympathy.
35. Share your feelings with others and understand the emotional situations that people go through. Put yourself in their shoes.
36. Compassion.
37. When someone is in distress, reach out with a genuine interest in helping alleviate their suffering.
38. Altruism.
39. Think of others without thinking of yourself. Do good things for people without expecting something in return for yourself.
40. Magnanimous.
41. Be generous in life.
42. Give of your time, money and wisdom. Share with others so they can see the true joy and adventures of life themselves.

There are the qualities I think helps lead a person to life a successful life. Clearly everyone's views will differ, as they should. What are some qualities that you think define success in life?